Ways to Annnoy the Flock & Co
by black-venom-heart
Summary: Ways to Annoy the Flock and their friends/enemies/allies/whatever! Right as it says in the title! How to annoy Max and her flock. Ranging from a slight pun to downright hilirious!
1. How to annoy Max

Ways to Annoy the Flock

**Ways to Annoy the Flock**

Yep. I don't think someone's done this for Max Ride, have they? If so, deal with it alright? Can't keep track of what everyone is writing.

Disclaimer: yeah, yeah we know no one on this website owns any of the stuff they write about, so get over it. First and last disclaimer in this story. I DON'T OWN MR!!

How to Annoy Max

1. Keep following her around and ask if she's in love with Fang.

2. When she says no, ask her if she could hook you up with Fang.

3. When she asks why, say "Well you're not interested and duh, he's hot!"

4. Replace her clothes with pink prepy, Abercrombie and Fitch clothes.

5. Dye her hair bright purple with neon green highlights.

6. Watch her go insane after she discovers what you did to her and video tape the whole outbreak.

7. Post the video on and blame Fang.

8. Replace her boots with stilettos.

9. Tell her that Britany Spears has a better fashsion sense then her.

10. Yell "Eraser attack" even when there's no Erasers around.

11. Steal her home-made chocolate chip cookies.

12. Go up to her and start saying stuff like "OMG! Like, omg, over there, is like, the hottest dude, like ever!! OMG! He's all like, dressed in black, OMG! I wonder if like, I could get his phone, like number!"

13. Tell that Omega is better then her.

14. Pull on her feathers.

15. Tell her that she shouldn't fly in the fall since that's when the hunters shoot all the little birdies.

16. Take a picture of her with purple hair, pink clothes and stilettos and paste on Fang's blog, and blame Fang.

17. Lock her in a room with only Total for company.

18. Throw one of Iggy's and Gazzy's stink bombs at her.

19. Make her listen to Gazzy sing the Constipation song by Weird Al Yankovic. **(A/N:** from MR3!)

20. Lock her in a pink room with pretty little glittery stars and unicorns and pink fluffy stuffed animals.

21. While she's in the room, play "Barbie Girl"

Well that's that! If you have any more for Max, PM or review or email or just get it to me. After I finish the flock, I'll post all your guy's ways to annoy the flock as a chapter, with full credit to everyone who contributes! Have a nice day! Black-Venom-Heart


	2. How to Annoy Fang

Wow! I haven't been on FanFiction forever! Oh well to all those who have been waiting for the next part for "ways to annoy the flock" here it is (after a few months!) enojoy!

Black-Venom-Heart

How to Annoy Fang

1. Call him a closet emo

2. Say he's a deserter after leaving Max.

3. Call him a computer-geek an account of all time he spends on his laptop.

4. Dye his feathers pink and blame Nudge.

5. Replace his black clothes wth sweater vests and knakis.

6. Steal his boots and replace them with birkenstocks.

7. Watch him go insane and blame Angel and Nudge.

8. Videotape him going insane and paste it on his blog and blame Max.

9. Mak him listen to Nudge rant on about how cute he and Max would be as a couple.

10. Take away his laptop.

11. Follow him around and ask him if he has a six-pack.

12. When he says no say "HA! Max was right! oops!"

13. When he says yes say "Prove it! It's probably not as toned as Iggy's! oops!"

14. Hang onto his arm and gaze at him with big doe eyes and say "OMG! You are like, the hottest thing like, ever! Can i have like, your like, phoe number?"

15. When he's flying ask him to hold Total.

16. Lock him in a cage.

17. Let Max make breakfast for him.

18. Email him a bunch of junk consistently asking him to come save you.

19. Tell him that you saw sam stalking Max.

20. When he's asleep draw stars and rainbows all over his face.

21. Lock him in a pink room with buterflies and bunnies.

22. Cut his hair short and dye it pink.

23. Take a picture and past it on his blog and blame Gazzy.

24. Tell Fang that him and Ari could have been best friends.

25. Put a banana peel in front of him. When he rans after you, video tape him slipping over the banana peel.

26. Paste it on youtube and blame Iggy.

27. when you see him un up to him and say "OMG! I've always wanted to meet a vampire! SO like are you like edward?"

28. For his birthday give him a fluffy hamster.

29. Accuse him of secretlysleeping with a stuffed animal.

30. Accuse him of believing in magical ponnnies.

31. Ask him why he doesn't have any special powers.

Review! that little button is calling your name!

Next up: ways to Annoy Iggy

And if you have any ideas on how to annoy the flock, i'll gladly accept them , with credit to you of course.

Now press that review button!


	3. How to Annoy Iggy

1. Steal all his bomb-making material.

2. Blame Gazzy for it.

3. Tell him that his blue eyes look like pools of mud.

4. Take away his lighter.

5. ell him that Max is a better cook then him (A/N ouch!)

6. Say "Fang has the biggest crush on you ever!"

7. Give him a snake and say it's a piece of rope.

8. Say "Wow! Iggy look over there at that hot girl!"

9. Dye his feathers and hair purple and blame Nudge.

10. Replace his boots with flip-flops.

11. Ask if he has a crush on Nudge.

he says yes scream "Pedophile! Oh won't Ella be disappointed!"

13. If he says no roll your eyes and give a loud sigh and say "Well dude she's totally into you!"

14. If he says that he likes Ella, smack him and tell him to stick to his own species.

15. Dump a bucket of cold water on him when he's asleep.

16. Hold up a glittery pink top next to him and say "Yup. That's defiantly your color."

17. Eat some of his food and barf it all back up.

18. Color his face with little ponies and blame Fang.

19. When he says yeah right tell him that Fag secretly worships ponies.

20. Set his underwear on fire and tell him that's what happens when you hide bomb material in them.

21. Place a banana peel in his path and laugh when he falls.

22. Ask him how come he doesn't have any special powers.

23. Ask him if he has a six-pack.

24. If he says no say "Well won't Nudge and Ella be disappointed."

25. If he says yes say "Well I bet Fang has a nicer toned one anyway."

26. Whack him on the side of the head with a frying pan.

27. Call him a desert stealer.

28. Call him an albino.

29. Place a whoopee cushion on a chair when he's about to sit down.

30. Repeatingly ask him if he has echolocation.

31. Repeatingly poke him in the back with a lit sparkler.

32. Move things out of the way when he reaches for them.

33. When he says the cup is blue, freak out and say it's green.

34. When he say "OK fine the cup is green." Say in return, "NO! It's blue, stupid!"

35. Tell him his cooking tastes like cardboard.

36. Hug him and call him a Care Bear.

37. Play "I Can See Clearly Now the Rain Has Gone"

38. Look at his hair and say "OMG! You just got electrocuted!"

39. Ask him why he hangs out with an eight-year old.

40. Wonder aloud if he's a pedophile.


	4. How to Annoy Nudge

Ok you lucky little...idk ducklings? Anyway, school started hurray hurray like 3 weeks ago, now im a freshman. oh fun cough cough so here's Nudge's part in the flock. Enjoy.

How to Annoy Nudge

1. Scoff and tell her you ate ELEVEN Snicker bars in one sitting without barfing.

2. When you see her fluffy hair yell "It's time to prune the bush!"

3. Tell her that oink really isn't her color.

4. Ask her how much caffeine she has everyday.

5. Bet her 100 that she can't keep quiet for 10 minutes.

6. When she starts talking complain that you have a headache already.

7. Make a comment about her hair like "Doesn't your hair look nice today" right after she crawls out of bed.

8. Tell her that Angel only hang out with her because she has no one else to hang out with.

9. Dye all her clothes black and blame Fang.

10.Replace her shoes with Doc Martens.

11. When she freaks out and starts talking like crazy, start to video tape her and then tell her she broke the camera on account of all the noise she's making.

12. When she starts talking about how cute a couple Max and Fang would make, pretend to fall over dead.

13. When she starts talking again start talking really loud to drown out the noise.

14. Throw something at her and tell her to shut up.

15. Tell her that Iggy secretly has a crush on Ella.

16. Say that Iggy really serves them raccoon when he says it's hot dog.

17. Comment on how ugly her wings are.

18. And tell her that Angel's are prettier.

19. Brag that you have cuter shoes then her.

20. Call her Magneto.

21. Ask her if she can stick to refrigerators like a magnet.

22. Make her listen to Gazzy's constipation song.

23. Place a cup of coffee in front of her and strap her to a chair three feet away.

24. Lock her in a room with nothing but birdseed.

25. Play heavy death metal when she's in the room.

26. Make her wear the school uniform from book two.

27. Servve her hamburger meat and say it's tofu.

28. After she ate it tell her it's really hamburger.

29. Hold up a picture of Tina Turner next to her and say "I see the resemblance in hair….."

30. Put her in a bunny costume.

31. Eat chocolate in front of her and give her any.

32. Stare at her for a long time for no reason.

33. Let her sit in the fron seat ad not let her honk the horn.

34. When she starts talking, cover your ears and scream "Oh My God! I'm deaf! My ears, my ears!"

I hope you enjoyed it. So i was thinking about doing another one of these annoying-people-type of things for other characters in MR. What do u think? Press that cute little purple review button. 6 reviews and i'll post Gazzy on Saturday. Angel and Gazzy are the most challenging to come up with actually. Stay alive.

Black-Venom-Heart


	5. How to Annoy Gazzy

1

1. Take away all his bomb-making materials.

2. Say you can do a better impersonation of Weird Al.

3. Tell him you can fart a cloud the size of an elephant.

4. When he walks into a bathroom run out screaming "The smell! My eyes, my eyes!"

5. Scoff and say that YOU have x-ray vision.

6. Go into a bathroom he's in and strain and grunt for a few minutes. Come out and say "Bet you can't make a smell like that!"

7. Tell him a skunk smells better then him.

8. Give him a big hug and tell him he's your little baby.

9. Say you can do a creepier imitation of ter Borcht.

10. Tell him the headhunter at the boarding school was set out to eat his brains.

11. Hold up a frilly pink dress, and say "Hmmmm, this goes nice with your eyes……"

12. Tell him that Iggy is an Eraser in disguise waiting to eat little boys.

13. Scoff and say you can make better bombs.

14. When no one is around smack him on the head and pretend it wasn't you.

15. Push him of a cliff.

16. Ask him why his sister has all the cool powers.

17. Pick your nose, show it to him and say loudly, ''Mmm,  
never seen that shape before.''

18. Burp and say "Mmmm tasty! You gotta try this!"

kk i know that was short. it was kinda hard. 10 reviews and i'll post angel on monday. And answering someone's question i believe, im going to do another story for other MR characters. Black-Venom-Heart


	6. How to Annoy Angel

I know I said I'd update Monday but I had a lot of things going on so here's the next chapter!

How to Annoy Angel

Tell her Nudge's wings are so much prettier then hers.

Tell her that Total is actually a monster waiting for his chance to eat them.

Put on a tin foil hat so she can't read your mind.

Scoff and say that can talk to fish AND turn into one.

Ask her to read your mind.

When she does keep thinking "I am evil. I will suck your blood and eat your brains."

Watch her run away screaming.

Take Celeste from her.

Tell her she's an ugly swan.

Say that you have prettier hair.

Put scary gothic make-up on her.

Tell her she's an annoying little mind-reading twerp.

Throw her in a pool of sharks.

Tell Angel that Iggy is going to serve Total for dinner.

Tell her to stop stealing other people's powers.

Straighten her hair.

Dye it all black.

Put her in a huge bowl of water.

Tap on the glass and call her a goldfish.

Tell her you're taking her to Paris and then abandon her in the middle of the desert.

Lock her in a dungeon with a crazed delusional Max.

Awww! That's the end of the flock! I really enjoyed this! But fear not cause I will continue this with other members of Maximum Ride!


	7. How to Annoy Total

How to Annoy Total

Tell him that Akila just isn't that into him

Insult his wedding by saying it was just too cliché and lacked any originality

Lock him in a room along with Max

Threaten to cut off his wings whenever he starts talking about fashion

Cough and call him homo when he complains that fashion is important

When you're holding him and flying, drop him in the Atlantic Ocean

Give him cat food, the nasty kind

Put a leash on him and pretend he's a seeing aid dog

Subtly hint that the chocolate éclairs in France were actually feces

Knit an ugly, scratchy doggy sweater for him and make him put it on

Take pictures of him and put it on his Facebook page and Fang's blog

Ask him how he and Akila do it, cause she's twice his size

Disguise generic dog food as his caviar and blame Iggy

Make him take part in a Doggy Fashion Show

Tell him that Angel is an Eraser in disguise waiting to eat him

Say that you got a phone call from his ex-girlfriend and she wanted to let him know he's a father

Use him as a football

Whistle and call "Lassie, come here boy, oh wait never mind"

Hold him underwater for a little bit, rinse and repeat.

**So who's next….? Hmmm better read the next chapter then :D**


	8. How to Annoy Dylan

**Honorable reviewer mention goes to Hellewise14**

**How to Annoy Dylan**

When he wants to learn how to fly, push him off a big cliff.

"Accidently" bump into him hard and watch him fall.

Give him a video and tell him it's Max's and Fang's "homemade" video

Tel him pink is secretly Max's favorite color

Watch him get slapped by Max when he buys her something pink

Tel Fang that you saw Dylan creping outside Max's window when she was getting dressed.

Say his hair makes him look like Justin Bieber

Shrink all his underwear

Give him pink lacey thongs to wear instead

Ask him if he has a six pack

If he says yes then tell him Fang's is better

If he says no then say Max totally digs six packs

Secretly cut of his hair in the night

Ask him if his secret power is to be a douche

Make Gazzy imitate Dylan pleasuring himself to Max's picture

Repeatedly poke him in the back with a needle

Make him eat a cactus, cause cacti are awesome

Make him eat Max's cooking

Watch him puke up all over the place

Put it on YouTube for all his fangirls to watch

Tell him if he wants to impress girls, put on body glitter and act all moody

Dye his hair black and say emo boys are so in and preppy boys are so out

Take all his clothes and put them somewhere high, where he has to fly to get them

Secretly videotape him flying naked looking for his clothes

Leave him alone for a few hours with Fang

Tell him wimpy boys belong in Forks, Washington

Tell him he should hook up with Edward Cullen

Steal Max's underwear and blame it on Dylan

Randomly grab his butt and walk away like nothing happened

Give him a big, ugly Christmas sweater and say it matches his eyes.

Make him read my AP American History textbook (AN that's pretty bad)

Put DYLAN in a crate for 3 years and see how he likes it

Tape him to a couch and sit it on fire

Whisper in his ear "I bet you have a man-vagina"

**34 of these. Oh Dylan, sorry no one likes you, or Edward Cullen. So who's next? Come on, 89 people have read this and I got 1 review. Anonymous reviews are welcome**


	9. How to Annoy Ella

How to Annoy Ella

Ask her how she likes being in her sister's shadow

Ask her if she's afraid Jed will experiment on her, since he ran out of his children to mutate

Steal her homemade chocolate cookies.

Take something valuable of hers and put it in a high place where she has to fly to get it

If she complains shrug and say Max could do it.

Tell her Iggy has a crush on Nudge

Poke her in the back and say "That's not my finger!"

Throw her soccer ball in her face.

Before her soccer match, steal her cleats and replace them with stilettos

Wait for her date to pick her up and run out screaming "Her sister is a mutant freak!" to scare him off

Follow her and her date around and "pretend" to hide behind lampposts

Replace her homecoming dress with a potato sack

Lock her in a room with death metal blaring from speakers

When she's sleeping write "Max was here" on her forehead in Sharpie

Tell her Iggy is so out of her league… of species

Excitedly tell her Dylan is into her, and since he's so much hotter the Iggy it's worth a shot

Watch Dylan as he tries to tell Ella he's not into her, then tape the whole scene

Post it on Fang's blog and blame Dylan

Have Gazzy barge in on Ella's date and let loose his "special, smelly talent"

Photoshop wings onto her back

Paste the picture on Flickr

Watch evil scientists trying to catch this new "specimen"

**Alright Ella was kind of hard since there's not much on her character. I notice FanFiction people seem to be fond of locking beloved characters in rooms, replacing their shoes, music and clothes and drawing stuff on their face. Idk maybe that's just me. I'm slowly running out of characters so tell me who you want next!**


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